Good sleep as a habit
My drinking habits changed a lot in the last few years before I got sober. I had stopped drinking as much in public and shifted to a solitary practice in my home office/studio. I would pick up two to three six-packs or a 15-pack on the way home from work or make up a grocery run (“we’re out of baking soda! BRB!”) in the evening. I’d often add a couple of 24-ounce craft beers to the top of the pile to start the night. On getting home, I’d drink a couple as quickly as I could for stage one of the deadening. I’d have a couple while I was cooking dinner or otherwise being “normal,” but I’d have another going in this room that I’d retreat to a few minutes at a time to augment my “normal” drinking. For a few months I discovered the convenience of boxed wine, which I kept on a shelf in my closet. So easy, and no need to keep it cold. This room was such a mess that when I was desperate for more to drink, I could often find a forgotten six pack of IPA that I had forgotten about, hidden under a pile of papers, behind a stack of milk crates. I would literally thank my past drunk self for forgetting about it and leaving it for my current drunk self.
My partner was usually in bed by 10pm, and I’d excuse myself to “work” for a couple more hours, the work of course being getting drunk. I’d set a goal of being in bed by midnight. If it was past midnight, I might excuse myself and shift my bedtime to 1am if I still had beer left. Then 2am. I would sit here and watch stuff on YouTube or read the news, or I’d look around the room and try to think about how I could improve it, or later, how I was going to quit drinking tomorrow.
Sometimes I would trip and fall, landing on the wastebasket, or into the wall in the hallway between this room and the bathroom. Rarely, the sound would wake up my partner who would ask if I was OK. “Yeah, I just tripped. I’ll be in bed soon.”
When I started my last push to get sober, I learned about the benefits of sleep. I heard my sobriety-practicing cohort, in group calls, talk about how they were going to bed early. I realized that the 10pm-2am time was my witching time, this time outside the “normal” world where I would pack in ridiculously dangerous binge drinking almost every night. Even if we were out for a party or bar or event and got home at midnight (or later), I would still squeeze in a few (or more) beers before bed. The nightly ritual, nonsensical, regardless of how much I had already had to drink, had become a habit.
Cutting this time out of my waking life seemed like a good idea, like changing a route home to avoid a liquor store. I started going to bed early. In the final couple of months, getting sober was my sole focus, and I remember getting in bed at 5pm one night when I had a strong urge to drink. I should add that I am absolutely opposed to eating or drinking in bed. Not that I never, ever had a drink next to the bed (it was rare), but it was a pretty hard line for me. So the bed was a safe space, and as the weeks went on that I associated getting in bed with avoiding alcohol, it took on an almost magical power, like a force field that protected me from my drinking habits.
I wasn’t perfect, and my sleep time was sloppy at first. I tracked it with an app for a while, which wasn’t very accurate and was disruptive in its own way. My sleep time varied a lot.
Through trial and error, I eventually settled on a bed time of 10pm and a waking time of 5:45. That would allow me a sleep time of between 7 and 7.5 hours, which felt right. I literally felt my best when I got that much sleep. Eight hours was a little too long, and less than 7 was too little.
Shifting my bedtime earlier and getting up earlier helped tremendously. This was a new habit. I cut out my secret solitary night drinking by making that time unavailable to myself. A few days of being tired transformed, rather magically, into a couple extra hours in the morning where I could write, meditate, and catch up on the things I felt were falling behind. At this point, I think this habit shift has been the most meaningful to me of all my changes. It’s how I can write this post to you. It’s how I can catch up on work uninterrupted. It’s how I can meditate without worrying about what I’m not doing (email, returning calls, doing laundry). If you’ve ever had the dream where you open a closet door and discover a whole other part of your home that you didn’t know existed, that’s what it felt like to find these morning hours.
Just like I used to label myself as a “bourbon guy” or a “craft beer guy” I was also a “night owl.” I’m now that “early riser.” I’m more creative and productive in the morning. I can get an hour or two of focused work done that would be nearly impossible later in the day. My brain is sharp. The only sound nearby is the soft whir of my desk fan and the birds outside. It’s wonderful.
I love you,
David
