Mid-Week Music: Jill Scott - "Golden"
It would be too easy to divide my life into a “before” and “after.” In fact, I do it all the time: before my child was born and after; before I met my partner and after; and of course before I got sober and after. But these are arbitrary divisions because so much doesn’t change on either side of those lines. I’m still dealing with the everyday insults and joys of life moment by moment.
My life is never balanced or always bad or always good. I used to think differently and would plan my life around illusory future events (“when I have a lot of money, I’ll...” or “once I clean my studio I’ll…”). We never enter a season of ideals (“I’ll do it when I retire!”) and even when I am in anguish, I see glimpses of beauty.
“... see the four seasons of favorable circumstances, adversity, despair, and exaltation all as the scenery of your life”
Kosho Uchiyama
Which brings me to today’s song. For me, “Golden” is an acknowledgment that even when life sucks, we can take the bits that make it beautiful and bring us joy and carry them with us. I can only define freedom as she sings about it for myself: finding my agency. I hit a point where I wanted to change, and I worked my ass off to bring about that change. I’m sober now, and it’s not always all that great because life isn’t always all that great. And that’s OK. I’m going to live my life like it’s golden, like it’s as precious as it is.
I'm taking my freedom
Pulling it off the shelf
Putting it on my chain
Wear it around my neck
I'm taking my freedom
Putting it in my car
Wherever I choose to go
It will take me far
The learning and work that went into my sobriety are the tools of my freedom. Not just freedom from alcohol, but freedom to see the scenery of my life as a totality that has its ups and downs.
When I live my life like it’s golden, I acknowledge this gift I have of being present in it. I take it with me wherever I am, whatever's going on.
Aside from all the introspective stuff, this song is a jam. The syncopated electric piano and handclaps signal the swing, and the strength of her voice demands attention as soon as she starts improvising over the opening bars. As the notes descend step by step, over and over, I can feel my shoulders drop and my mind settle.
I first heard “Jilly from Philly” when she sang “You Got Me” (which she co-wrote) on The Roots Come Alive. Erykah Badu sang the studio version, but it’s literally Scott’s song. At that time I was digging deep into everything surrounding The Roots and Soulquarians (a collective of musicians and producers revolving around Questlove) and came across Scott’s excellent debut Who Is Jill Scott? “Golden” came a few years later. I loved this song back then but it has a lot more relevance to me now.
I love you,
David
