Sobriety as a superpower
Photograph ©2022 David Bivins
I'm supposed to be talking about sobriety here, and sometimes I wander off the topic. Today I want to remind you that if you are sober or trying to get sober, you are doing amazing work. I don't mean that lightly. You are fundamentally changing your brain with the effort that you're making.
Like me, you might have obsessed (or still do) about how long it will take to regain your physical and mental health. You might have read up on how your liver and kidneys can recover after quitting alcohol. If you have some sobriety under your belt, or you did in the past, you probably know that a score of shitty physical characteristics magically disappear after a while. Smelling like booze. Sweating abnormally. Feeling gross all the time. Not being able to take a proper shit. Eyes looking dim or dull.
You may also have learned about neuroplasticity–the concept that your brain can adapt and rewire itself. It can heal. My near-constant anxiety, my inability to hold a thought, my absolute lack of organization, they all diminished (I’m still a slob, but I’m a slightly neater slob) after a few months of sobriety.
But taking this a step further, our brains can actually improve from the process of getting sober. This concept became clearer to me via a photo of a page of a book via a group chat (of sober friends - thanks B) via a wonderful writer and sobriety coach, Dani Medrano. I have not read the book (The Biology of Desire by Marc Lewis), but it makes complete sense to me. The excerpt begins:
“...reduction of grey matter volume in specific regions of the prefrontal corext, thought to progress with the length of addiction, reversed over several months of abstinence. Grey matter volume returned to a normal baseline level within six months to a year of abstinence (from heroin, cocaine, and alcohol)...”
These I knew. These are the data I would beat myself up with when I had yet again broken a promise to myself and gone to bed drunk, pushing off my potential for another day, week, month, year. While one part of me was fatalistic about my early death from alcohol, another part saw the potential way out.
The quote continues:
“But then–and here comes the first surprise–grey matter volume (synaptic density) in these regions continued to increase, beyond the baseline level, the level recorded for people who’ve never been addicted… It makes sense. Abstinence requires sustained and seasoned cognitive effort, and that effort grows synapses as surely as any other motivated activity.”
So when we bandied about the rather hyperbolic statement “sobriety is my superpower” we were actually telling the truth–we are truly rewiring our brains.
All apologies to Marc Lewis and everyone who’s read the book (which I have not) if I start stating the obvious here, based on my own experience with sobriety:
I have fundamentally changed my relation to myself. I care about myself like I never did before.
I have fundamentally changed my relationships with others. My capacity for empathy has grown.
I have made myself more useful in my community by learning about my own addiction and training as a recovery coach. I make a difference in other peoples’ lives through my own experience and learning.
I have learned resilience, and I demonstrate that resilience for others, including my family.
I have made meditation an integral part of my life, and through that have become less reactive.
I have improved my health, which potentially will help me to live a longer and more productive life. I will have more time and opportunities to help others.
I am able to experience joy again, and I actively seek out those things that bring me and the people around me joy.
I know that every one of these things has rewired my brain, and I’m so grateful for all of it.
I love you,
David
