No hope, no fear
I’m in my teenage home typing this. I got a call last night to basically drop everything and get here to see my dad, because this might be the last time I see him. He collapsed a week ago from a heart event (I visited last weekend, too, but couldn’t see him due to covid restrictions), and his injuries were severe enough that they’re still trying to stabilize him to a point where they can determine the cause of his initial collapse and subsequent treatment.
I got to spend the day with him today. He’s lucid, he’s doing much better than yesterday, but he’s still not out of the woods by any definition.
I’m not hopeful. I’m also not fearful.
Remarkably, less than a week ago, I read this great quote from Seneca about hope and fear being problematic because they both take us out of the present.* Then I said something about it to my sister in the context of discussing my dad’s health situation. Then SHE heard it on a podcast or something and AGAIN THIS MORNING from someone else and texted it to me as I was flying here from New York City. So this nugget of Stoicism is ready to be discussed.
“Hecato says, ‘cease to hope and you will cease to fear.’... The primary cause of both these ills is that instead of adapting ourselves to present circumstances we send out thoughts too far ahead.” - Seneca, Moral Letters
To me this says hope and fear are distractions from being present. And I need to be present.
Don’t get me wrong—I’ve felt a lot of emotion about my dad and this situation. I’ve cried, I’ve felt a little panic, I’ve cried some more. I don’t want to think about life without him. And I don’t have to, because right now I can just be with him. I hold his hand and kiss his forehead and tell him jokes. We reminisce about “The In-Laws” (the original one with Alan Arkin and Peter Falk). He talks about his collection of vintage slide rules. We are in this, right here, right now. No hope, no fear. Lots of love, lots of laughter.
Take a moment today. Just sit in that moment. Rain, snow, hot, cold, noisy, quiet, just be in that moment. With someone or alone. No intention.
I love you, David
*The Daily Stoic, Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman
