Turn off the internet
Photograph ©2021 David Bivins
I’ve been thinking a lot about the internet as an always-on distraction for me. I’m pretty good about leaving my phone in another room, or even at home when I’m on a walk. I’m kind of OK about not jumping on Instagram to just scroll (and I can’t get to my personal account from my new phone at the moment, and I haven’t made an effort to retrieve/reset my password for now because it’s kind of nice), and I’ve gotten really good at not checking Reddit or Facebook regularly. My kryptonite is Google News and The New York Times… and “window” shopping.
I like to think that keeping up on the news makes me a better citizen. I have subscriptions to NYT, The Washington Post, and The Guardian. I also subscribe to several newsy newsletters. I’m aware of how being up on the news makes me feel. One one hand it gives me authority: I know the latest on whatever dumpster fire is happening at the moment. On the other hand it gives me a lot of extra baggage to carry around with me. I’m sure it affects my emotional health, though I don’t generally feel anxious about the state of the world. On my metaphorical third hand it takes up A LOT OF MY TIME. I read something recently that I can’t shake: rich people have money, wealthy people have time. I want to be wealthy. I read the news out of boredom. Give my brain something to do. Suck up the time between meetings and other tasks.
If you’re as old as I am, you remember the time before the always-on internet. I’m not saying it was better or going off on a grumpy “good old days” Andy Rooney rant. But I read books a lot more, I did stuff outside a lot more, I made more music. Just the friction of having to make a dial-up connection with a telephonic modem as an adult working from home in the mid-90s (I had a second phone line for it!) meant that I compartmentalized my online life a lot more.
I wanted to write about it today because this tendency I have to open a new browser tab and read the front page of the paper (or go deep in an interview with Keanu Reeves or a string of lockpicking videos or videos of people demonstrating musical instruments I ALREADY HAVE AND ARE RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME AND I COULD BE JUST USING THEM MYSELF) is so strong and it reminds me of my drinking. I would fill the “extra” time with it. Stick the ends of my conscious life together with it.
I know when I’ve been spending too much time online when my bullet journal is lagging. I use my bullet journal for everything. I track tasks, make lists, get shit done. A friend introduced me to the concept a few years ago and I haven’t looked back. But when I see several days' entries on a single page (i.e. not a lot of bullets), I know I’ve been wandering off into the ether.
I’m not beating myself up over this. These last two years sucked hard in so many ways. I give myself a break when I fuck around with a game or waste time to avoid doing something I should get done. Even when times are not packed with the death of loved ones, others in the hospital, fucking COVID, money woes, whatever, I do give myself a break.
But I do know there’s more available to me. More joy in making music. More joy spending time with my family. More joy being outside. More joy in getting rid of things in my life that I don’t need to make space for more happiness, more opportunity for happiness at least. The commercial internet is designed to waste my time (well, specifically to serve ads to me—big ups to Adblocker Plus), so I keep telling myself that. It needs me more than I need it.
Thanks for listening. Phew. That felt good.
I love you,
David
